Stages of Grief
First introduced in 1969 by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying, the five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—were never meant to be a straight path. She made it clear that these stages are non-linear.
Over time, though, the idea has been simplified. It is often talked about as if grief moves in steps, as if there is a way to “get over” a loss.
But people do not get over a loss.
If anything, grief can feel more like living on a planet made entirely of water. A loss is a wave. Some waves are massive and overwhelming. Others are smaller, almost gentle. Some are even welcomed shifts in the water of life. But the waves never fully stop. The water is always moving—rising and falling, again and again. Over time, the waves may become more manageable. There may be longer stretches of calm. And then, sometimes, without warning, one rises again.
Maybe it has been twenty-five years since the love of your life died. Life has continued. Things have changed. And then one Easter, you find yourself crying. Not because something is wrong, but because something new has happened. Your grandchild has a new baby girl—someone your partner never got to meet. An entire generation is starting without your love. And suddenly, twenty-five years later, the wave comes back.
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RIP Uncle Willie 2003